Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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