Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
