Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
