I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
