i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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