The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
