he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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