It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
