Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
