How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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