are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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