i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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