the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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