i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
