I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
