so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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