my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
