Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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