I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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