I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
