my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
