Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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