just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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