i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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