Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
