Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
