peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
