Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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