i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
