Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize