He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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