when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
