I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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