So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
