I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
