I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
