The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
