I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
