he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
