trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
