come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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