Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
