Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
