there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
