Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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