i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
