I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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