Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it penis luge time yet?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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