This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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