I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
