Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
