so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
