Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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