I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
