I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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