she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
