do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
