it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
