i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
