shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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