We named our party play list daddy issues
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
