I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
