you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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