i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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