Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
