we're blogging at a bar
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize