I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
