Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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