Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
